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Debut Article...April 24, 2000 Before beginning my, whenever I feel like writing a ^%$%@ing column for thislink.com, I'd like to take the time to introduce myself and for one, brief moment, allow you into what I simply call - MY WORLD. My formal qualifications for this column are none. My qualifications as a man, who doesn't care what you think, are many. So sit back, read, laugh, curse, get pissed off, whatever - just enjoy the ride and keep coming back every two weeks to hear what I have to say. Quite simply, I am a MAN. You know what I mean... the kind of man you always wish you could be but never could. I eat red meat, lift weights, and drink beer. I am the guy who popped your books and smacked you in the back of the head in high school. I spill a beer on you at the bar and you end up buying ME one. I love football. HATE baseball. Basketball's cool. Golf sucks. I belch in public. Unlike most of you guys, I am the MAN of my house. I leave the toilet seat up. I drive a Jeep in case I ever feel the need to run someone or something over. I hate every one and every thing. By now, you probably hate me as well. Enough about me, though. Let's talk about this column. Though it will be focused primarily on sports, I reserve the right to cover any topic I please. Sports, women, world events, beer, life ( if I had one I wouldn't be doing this column) and politics ( yeah right ). Right now, the sports world is blessed with the beginning of the baseball season. I'd rather watch paint dry. I've seen better athletes at the local park drinking beers between innings. What other sport does a player lose as many games as he wins (I'm speaking of pitchers for you mentally challenged) and get a 5 million dollar contract as a reward? Baseball does have one redeeming quality, however. What better way to induce a nap? Grab a bag of chips, turn on the game, and ZZZZZZZZ. I can hear the purists (losers) now - " baseball is America's sport ", " baseball is full of history ". Well, the last time I checked, there weren't many Americans playing the sport, history meant before I was born (who cares), and a three hour long, 2-1 ball game was about as exciting as shopping for a shower curtain with your wife. So do yourself, me, and society a favor by not watching this ridiculous excuse for a sport. And maybe someday, hopefully soon, it will just go away. Now a quick review of what's going on in the sports world: Pro Football - Ray Lewis - guilty of some crime (aren't they all?) but will be found innocent (aren't they all?) Steve Young - please retire Peter Warrick - people feel he got off easy on his shoplifting charge. Being drafted by the Bengals seems like a fair sentence to me Redskins - rule #1 in building a team - NEVER draft an offensive lineman in the first round (see Eagles as a reference) Pro Basketball - Lakers - everyone else is playing for 2nd Tim Duncan - Spurs are on the way down. Take the money and run. Go to an up and coming team Sixers - Iverson leads the way to victory in a 5 game series Baseball - see above Golf: As Mark Twain said "a good walk spoiled." EXCEPTION: Renting a cart and drinking a beer a hole. Nascar: Rednecks, motorheads, cars going in CIRCLES. Nuff said. World events: Just had to get this off of my chest. The US government finally wised up and took Elian from those KIDNAPPERS that were holding him HOSTAGE. A child belongs with his father-GET IT ? This is a parental issue, not a political issue. This is the United States of America - the greatest country in the world. Do you know why that is? Because we have laws that we FOLLOW. Deal with it. If you don't like it, LEAVE. Well, that's it for this article. Send any comments, thoughts, questions, or personal attacks to me sports@thislink.com Hope to hear from you. Be back in 2 weeks. Chris Edwards PEACE....
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